"Expectations that hurt...."

Through whatever years of life that i have been and by whatever understanding i have instilled in my mind i have come to realize that there are two kinds of expectations: a) Expectations that are plain expectations..with a plus-minus margin maybe.They are very practical expectations and they evoke very less emotional response.These are calculated expectations somewhere.For e.g they might be from yourself,like how you do in an exam,from your parents on your birthday,etc..common expectations that are a routine.. b) Are the expectations that are emotionally linked strongly and a slight or even a foretold imbalance regarding them creates a havoc inside u..you are torn apart..sometimes the damage is repairable..sometimes beyond repair! you are shaken to the core in no time!! THESE ARE THE EXPECTATIONS THAT HURT!! From two kinds of people you have expectations: 1) yourself 2) your loved ones 3) God (not included in people category/consider it only if you are a believer in destiny,god..) Lets us see how each kind of the category hurts and what maybe a possible remedy.. 1) expectations from yourself: When you are/have become very independent and are naturally/or molded to become self sufficient always i.e emotionally or otherwise,you land up hurting from the expectations you have from yourself...you tend to forget that somewhere you are going to be helpless or rather need someone's help..often such people are then misunderstood as being proud..but one thing the people who are tagging these people proud forget is that..sometimes its the experienced fear of no one coming to their aid when help is needed that makes these people what they are..And .. remedy for such(self expecting) people is: ..everyone makes some mistakes..even you will make just accept it.. ..not all things are under your control,so no point fretting over them ..those who matter will always know...and those who don't..well then learn that they shouldn't matter. 2) expectations from loved ones: If repeatedly yo are getting hurt from the one you love then first points to consider.. ..u love them well n good..but do they love u as much as u love them?? (in the case of repeated hurting i am not questioning the understanding or the wavelength between you and the other person..because if you love a person enough and you get to know you are hurting the one even you love then your that love will make you come to understanding to atleast avoid repetitive hurting!! so difference in understanding is never an excuse for repeated hurting!) remedy: ..not necessary every time you love someone..even they love you that much..(hard but true) ..everyone has his own priorities which may vary say from 0.001% to even 99% ..some things are neither good nor bad..they are just things u need to accept ..someone who is repeatedly hurting u and then saying sorry..make yourself tough n accept he is not loving u!!!!give chances, trust,believe,check ,no doubt people do change...but apply this only till 1)you can survive 2) are able to heal yourself 3)people change only if they want to!!! n only when they realize that they are doing injustice or being unfair!!! n no one on this earth can instigate this but they themselves!!! 4) learn to say no to things that may hurt u 5)forgive yourself if u hurt them a little in this process 6)if in hurting u even that person was getting hurt as much as you are getting hurt he wouldn't have hurt you..so if u cant change ppl you will have to change 7) sometimes its better to leave some ppl on their destiny..even wen u realize that they are going wrong way!! you are not god! n you cannot change their destiny..just pray for them or atleast avoid cursing them. 8)there are other people in you life who are waiting for your love..give them with both hands..don't sit with a sad face in front of them..turn all your hurt to love all those who deserve it much more!! Expectations from god.. Just remember the "footprints" story n else will be taken care of!!n if you don't know the story ask me anytime..pleasure to share the "footprints"!!!

Forgiveness..

I am not here to vouch for 'forgiveness',to elaborate on its greatness,etc..I am here to put forth just a practical idea about forgiveness..
I have always read about forgiveness,mercy,kindness and the greatness of these virtues..great stories and great people..
But what if i am just common and not great enough to forgive..Its easier to read but very difficult to apply..How can you forgive someonee who has hurt you so much,how can you offer mercy to someone who has ripped your heart apart???
So am i here to discourage you from forgiving??being kind???
NO!! I AM HERE TO TELL YOU PLEASE DO IT!!
Not because Forgiveness is great;But because if you want to be really happy and contented and move on ahead in life then please Forgive! Its the surest thing that will forge you ahead in life in a good way ,though earlier it may cause you unrest..but rest aasured that in the end it will help you be in peace and harmony with yourself.
Don't do it for other's sake..Do it for yourself and you will realize that the process is just like a 'vaccination programme'!!
Where in the beginning you take a shot,feel the pain,sometimes develop a fever and so you are earlier left feeling no good or willing about it..and often having a doubt if its really going to help you or not..and then in the end when you are protected from the disease you are feeling positive and glad.
Anger,Revenge,Ego,Unhealthy competition,etc are all your dangerous diseases and 'Forgiveness' a sure-shot 'Vaccination programme'!!

where the Egales dare..

Hovering over high in the sky ..
somewhere you must have heard the eagle give out the cry..
But have you ever observed when they fly their all time high?..
Thunder will have thrashed the sky and strom will be like the furious zeus in the sky..
Making their way slowly upward..
Using the strom to their benefit and raising high you will see the king of birds fly..
Mark one more thing as see them;
No rigorous flapping of wings..not much of noise..
The twany eyes braving the strom with a glimmer..
The strong wings spread out and held linear..
The speed of strom used to propel them higher..
The elegant creatures seem like the sky emperor..
King of birds not without a reason are they..
When most birds are flying helter-skelter..
You will see an eagle fly..
What implied meaning do we get?
Use the strom to your advantage..
Fight with ease..
Let there be the unruffled outer you, with the inner you waging off the battle..
Enjoy your strom..
But stay focused without underestimating it ever..
Give a royal fight..not to defeat the strom But to reach the high goals you set..
And you will surely reach WHERE THE EAGLES DARE!!

Connecting with people but in peace with yourself..

You have to connect with many people throughout your life..some by default,some by choice and some surprizingly as you walk through various seasons of life.
During this connection you experience variety of emotions,right from anger,love,awe to resentment.With those whom you connect well with,you harness a positive feeling and the ones with whom you always disagree you harness a negative feeling.In some cases of whom you have positive feelings but they don't fullfill your expectations you start getting a negative feeling.
Bottom line...You keep losing your peace now and then..
Now question arrises how do you maintain your peace in all these connections??
Lets begin with those with whom you never felt cordial...
A time comes when you know that your getting angry on them and losing your temper..just wait for a sec and think of the following:
1) Is your anger really justified?
2) Is the person to whom you are about to express your anger really going to understand your genuine anger?
3) Is that person really important to you?
4) Are you important to that person?
5) Is this anger going to disturb your peace of mind for the day? and if Yes, then is it worth it?
6) Are you sure you are not going to regret this anger later?
(Here anger is the only word i am mentioning,but resentment,bad-mouthing,prejudices..i mean them all)
If ans to all above questions indicate that you harness anger then do it..because then that action would be a justified one.
But even if ans to one of the question is indicating that you refrain from getting angry..then Control!! Best way to control is to smile..And smile not because you belittle them(sly smile)..smile because you are trying to control anger and that is a great achievement! Let the purity of smile penetrate your anger and destroy it and you will find your peace intact.
In the cases when you have the justified anger..let your anger be focused on the cause rather than the individual and move ahead in your thoughts after you are done with it without any prejudices..because remember..1) Those who try from heart to understand,will understand your justified anger. 2)Those who don't want to understand,whatever you do,you are not going to be entertained by them. 3) And if at all lets consider that even after really trying they are not able to figure out your anger,then understand that you are maybe for e.g speaking in a different language that they dont understand.Now if your utterings are important to them they will try and learn your language..if they don't you might as well will get to know what you are for them.But even after learning your language they fail to understand you it might be that you both are on different frquency of thoughts(Here don't belittle yourself or them if your frequencies dont match) but unless you somewhere reach a same frequency for sometime you both are not going to understand each other,so whats the use of anger anyway!
NOW, we enter the most trecherous area of..Connecting with people with your inner peace intact..We are talking of the People with whom you are cordial,in love with..
You would be surprized at why i consider this most difficult than the non-cordial ones..But you will see that with some time you will push the thoughts regarding the non-cordial people out of our mind..but the ones you love or have loved linger in thoughts for a long long time..
Everything goes well with the cordial ones..untill they knowingly or unknowingly hurt you.
Now here again 'Unknowingly' and 'knowingly' play a key part.
Consider the first category the ones that hurt you unknowingly..following is the process through which one can try and keep inner peace intact..
1) Wait a little for them to realize their own mistake;because if they have hurt you unkowingly have faith they will realize it sooner or later and apologize because they never ment to hurt you.
2) How do u know that their apology was sincere..by making sure as time goes they dont hurt you in same manner again(Be prepared for some some unfortunate incidences or misjudgements though).
3) If they don't realize themselves,let some time pass and if still the matter is troubling you and you feel you are justified and not going to regret digging the past..ask subtlely about that thing to them.
4) Undersatnd if they are special to you and you to them,things will be fine sooner or later.
(Remember..Believe all and trust a few..and may those few may well be tested before that..and if you happen to make wrong decisions during this..then accept your fault..apologize to yourself and strive for better judgement..if you were tricked by a master trickster call it hardluck but learn lessons from that experience..may be you had been put through a test of fire to yield a better steel!)
NOW,those who belong to the category where they are the cordial ones who have somewhere hurt you knowingly..
Following could be the reasons they did that: 1) Unfortunately unknowingly or perhaps knowingly you had hurt them before and they are retaliating the same may be.(Be honest while answering that to yourself.)If you are at fault go and apologize..it will ease all the tensions fast.
2)Maybe temporarily they have lost their balance due to some other reason..or lost their balance in the sense..they couldn't handle ego,jealousy,temper,et al..Ask them what it is..negotiate it out.If that unbalance was their temporary phase talk with them and they will phase out of it soon.
3)Maybe they never really considered you that close! In that case realize that what happens with you was not their concern really an if thats the case understand it will never matter..if u cry,shout,et all..so then if thats the case why lose your peace due someone who is really not bothered about it.Why create a concern for you in those people who care for you due to this!
Bottom line..you'll come to know that the more efficiently you can apply and carry out this processes the lesser becomes the chance of you losing peace while connecting with people...